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Why am I so nervous tonight? Feel like something’s going on…I wonder what it is…My heartbeat…becomes faster and faster and faster…Seems like my chest is going to explode…Makes me out of breath…What am I worried for? I have no answer.

I’m no good at expressing feelings. Especially my own feelings. But someone told me:

“It’s not that you’re not good at expressing your feelings but you choose not to share it with others.”

Am I really like that? Yeah, maybe. A little. Hmm, I guess a lot. Why? Because I don’t want to burden others with my problems as they also have their own problems. I’ll only share only when I couldn’t control it. But at the end, I do feel a little bit guilty and embarrassed as I’ve passed my ‘heavy rock’ to the person I shared my feeling with. I’m sorry for that, really, really sorry.

kata2~

Keluh-kesah hamba-Nya yang tidak terlepas dari segala macam cubaan.

Tiap detik mendatang bagai celaru yang menyesakkan.

Bila semakin melupakan, hadirnya menghangat memori lubuk dalam.

Masih teguhkah tali lalu dimata sembilu?

Peringatan demi amaran diberi, diterima.

Oh, hati yang tak ingin mengerti mahunya akal kurnia Ilahi.

oh, jiwa yang tak ingin mengerti tegasnya realiti kini.

Siapa yang bisa paksa?

Siapa yang tersiksa?

Keras kerjanya si akal memasung rasional.

Penat si akal memujuk si hati.

Letih si akal merayu si jiwa.

Diam menyambut.

Sepi tak bertepi.

Mungkin bangkitkah dari ulit lena?

Akan lepaskah dari peluk leka?

Terperangkap jua sendirian.

Puas ditepis yang mendatang.

Sipi sisi terobek akhirnya.