masak2~

Update sekejap. Hari ni try masak nasi ayam for the 1st time ever in my life together gether with my friends. Alhamdulillah jadik!

 sup

sambal kicap

sambal sos 

nasi

ayam

set lengkap nasi ayam

selamat menjamu selera!

-----

Why am I so nervous tonight? Feel like something’s going on…I wonder what it is…My heartbeat…becomes faster and faster and faster…Seems like my chest is going to explode…Makes me out of breath…What am I worried for? I have no answer.

I’m no good at expressing feelings. Especially my own feelings. But someone told me:

“It’s not that you’re not good at expressing your feelings but you choose not to share it with others.”

Am I really like that? Yeah, maybe. A little. Hmm, I guess a lot. Why? Because I don’t want to burden others with my problems as they also have their own problems. I’ll only share only when I couldn’t control it. But at the end, I do feel a little bit guilty and embarrassed as I’ve passed my ‘heavy rock’ to the person I shared my feeling with. I’m sorry for that, really, really sorry.

kata2~

Keluh-kesah hamba-Nya yang tidak terlepas dari segala macam cubaan.

Tiap detik mendatang bagai celaru yang menyesakkan.

Bila semakin melupakan, hadirnya menghangat memori lubuk dalam.

Masih teguhkah tali lalu dimata sembilu?

Peringatan demi amaran diberi, diterima.

Oh, hati yang tak ingin mengerti mahunya akal kurnia Ilahi.

oh, jiwa yang tak ingin mengerti tegasnya realiti kini.

Siapa yang bisa paksa?

Siapa yang tersiksa?

Keras kerjanya si akal memasung rasional.

Penat si akal memujuk si hati.

Letih si akal merayu si jiwa.

Diam menyambut.

Sepi tak bertepi.

Mungkin bangkitkah dari ulit lena?

Akan lepaskah dari peluk leka?

Terperangkap jua sendirian.

Puas ditepis yang mendatang.

Sipi sisi terobek akhirnya.

just few things!

** i wrote this entry in Feb this year but bcoz of some technical probs, it remains as a draft entry and today i feel like to post it so just read it ^^


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim…

The talkative me shows her side again today, thus I couldn’t stop talking (within myself actually) since this evening. I talk to myself about almost everything that came across my mind. 

Alhamdulillah mama is recovering from her newly-passed-operation. She has to follow a very strict diet; she cannot do any heavy works/house chores, the only thing that she can do is rest! The kind-hearted-doctor (I don’t have the chance to meet him! oh, please alin! no mengada-ngada ok?) has given her 1 moth MC and after 1 week, she already complained that she’s boring with this type of life…^^

Since our grand chef (mama) is sick, so I am the person-in-charge for cooking and house cleaning. Though I’m not really a good chef but after a week, I can proudly say that I’m not that bad in cooking, just need some practice and some confidence. At least the most famous food critic, my beloved abah, has approved my ‘kari’ and my ‘asam pedas’, ok? Plus, both of the food critic and the grand chef approved my simple ‘ikan haruan masak stim’ that I cook for her. Hehe, just wanna brag a little bit since I know that I’m not really good in cooking ‘lauk-pauk’ back then!

Since evening I’ve been reading and ‘godek-godek’ a lot of blogs. There were some that catch my attention and I’ll state 2 for you.

     1 . masafzal.blogspot.com.

Actually, I’ve been following this blog since December last year. I found this blog through an entry in saifulislam.com, expressing condolence to the family of the owner of the blog. I would like to suggest to you, especially doctors-to-be, to read this life journal of Mas Afzal. You’ll find something good in return as well as increasing your knowledge in medical-related-field since he was a medical student. Please, read this touching blog and take whatever you think as precious lessons for you.

     2 . (I’ve forgotten the address and I’m too lazy to open the history file)

This 2^nd blog is about a girl. An average-Asian-girl who is not a hot babe - I’m sorry for being rude but she’s really not physically an attractive woman (she admits it by herself) – with low self-esteem during school years. But now, she has a very handsome-caring-kind-hearted-and-romantic-American boyfriend! They have been in this long-distance-relationship for 8 years.

Put everything aside as I’m not in a position to agree with the ‘coupling culture’, but I wanted to stress on 1 thing here - there are always someone that can accept you the way you are, there are always somebody that can accept the good and bad sides of yours; no matter who you are, no matter how you look!

This makes me think of myself, suddenly. Sure, I’m not a hot and gorgeous woman but I could say that I’m very grateful to be like this, to be me myself. I believe that everybody has their own charms which only certain people would realize it. But, do I really have charm/s? Dunno, you answer me~

meaningful song, perhaps!

Merenung saujana

Menyakitkan mata hati

Tusuk ke dalam jiwa sanubari

Kealpaan mereka kelekaan manusia

Sukar dibendung lagi

Duhai sahabat seperjuangan

Meskipun lemah menghitung mihnah

Biar dilukai nista pedih

Akan kau rentangi jalanan berduri

Dengan redha Ilahi

c/o

Genggam bara jihadmu

Biar syahdu munajatmu

Rebut kembali

Sinar yang hilang

Bangkit menuju kejayaan

Jangan biar dirimu terkulai

Jangan biarkan nafsu membelenggu

Jangan kau hancurkan masa depanmu

Kelak kan terbenam kegemilangan

Ayuh kita melangkah ke hadapan

Sisihkan mazmumah yang mengikatmu

Warnailah hidupmu dengan iman

Diiringi cahaya rahmat Tuhanmu

           

Merenung saujana

Mengharapkan sinar kan kembali

Kepada-Mu ya Allah

Kami pohonkan

Moga gemilang ummah ini

by:

Ikhwanus Sufi (2007)

source here

if only you knew...

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...

Heh, dah lama tak menulis ni rasa macam dah berkarat pulak skill. Tapi tetap jugak nak tulis sebab dah lama sangat pendam sejuta satu rasa ni sampai dah tak tau nak start kat mana.

Sebelum tu, aku nak wish dulu SELAMAT HARI MURABBI untuk semua yang berpangkat murabbi/pensyarah/cikgu/guru yang berperanan mendidik semua yang berpangkat murid/pelajar/mahasiswa/mahasiswi secara langsung atau tak langsung, formal atau tak formal, yang penting bila berlaku give and take ilmu antara dua atau lebih pihak kira ada la cikgu dan murid. Especially to parents yang sememangnya orang pertama yang mendidik sejak kita semua kecik-mecik!

###

Minggu ni dah start final exam. Tapi aku tak sedia langsung mental dan fizikal kearah tu. Huh, apa nak jadi la hamba Allah yang sorang ni, ish3! Benda yang nak di’study’kan banyak je tapi malasnya...na’uzubillah! Tu belum lagi cerita kena siapkan fail subjects lengkap dengan ISL + notes dari semester 1 sampai la semester 3 ni...

###

Naik semester baru nanti dah kena masuk rumah sewa. Benda baru. Selama ni sedap je duduk kat asrama, tak banyak benda nak pikir. Sekarang ni nak pikir bayar sewa, bil, kereta, dapur, nak pikir housemates, roomates, jiran, tuan rumah etc. Kena baik sangka, tolak ansur, berlebih kurang, ambil berat dll. Susah nak jaga dan senangkan hati semua orang. Mau pening kepala kalau salah langkah. Tapi yang penting kena usaha jugak walau macam mana pun susahnya. Tapi...larat ke kalau asyik sakitkan hati sendiri semata-mata nak jaga hati orang lain?

Memang makin banyak yang kena consider sebelum buat keputusan especially kalau melibatkan orang lain. Hailah, kena anggap ni as experiences sebelum posting lepas habis grad nanti la ni jawabnya. Hopefully, aku makin matang la lepas ni!

###

Sejak kebelakangan ni aku asyik terpikirkan dia je. Kenape ye? Bukannya ada apa2 pun dengan dia. Ke ni efek banyak sangat tengok cerita Korea? Cerita baru aku maraton sampai habis, cerita lama aku ulang tayang. Game pun dah banyak yang aku khatamkan sampai naik muak tengok games yang ada. Tu semua sebab nak elak dari pikir pasal dia. Haih...

+ Kenapa la aku boleh buat gila macam ni?

@ Cuba la sedar sikit, Mama and Abah hantar ke sini suruh belajar la sayang, bukan suruh buat benda lain...tolong la ingat!

+ Aku tau...

@ Ke ko nak benda kat sekolah dulu jadi balik? Killer siblings – Fizik and Add Maths? Remember?

+ Hohoho... mana boleh tak ingat, sejarah hitam tuh! Siap kena ‘brain wash’ dengan ramai cikgu + Mama + Abah tu!

@ Haa, tau pun... So, takkan nak lalui benda tu lagi? Sekali tu tak cukup ke?

+ Ok2... paham! Tapi soal hati dan perasaan mana boleh paksa. Benda tu datang tanpa dijemput... halau la macam mana pun, dia tetap akan datang balik, menempel kat dalam otak ni...

@ Hmm, pandai2 la ko handle. Dah besar kan? So, act like a mutured grown-up!

+ ........

@ Banyak benda yang aku tak reti nak kongsi dengan Mama, especially bab hati dan perasaan. Kenapa? Entah, aku pun tak tau kenapa. Maybe sebab aku cuma suka nak bagitau kat Mama and Abah benda2 yang dah konfem sahih betulnya saja, yang tak sure lebih baik simpan sendiri.

Maybe aku jadi macam ni sebab hari2 dan selalu ‘ter’ : pandang benda2 yang ada kaitan dengan dia, dengar benda2 yang ada kaitan dengan dia, nampak benda2 yang ada kaitan dengan dia... Tu yang jadi macam tengok ‘wayang kulit’ depan mata la pulak...

Kalau kat rumah, kot tetibe ada sape2 yang tersebut nama dia, sentap kejap aku jadinya tapi buat muka cool jela yang mampu. Diorang pun tau ending aku dan dia macam mana. So, kena sentiasa gagahkan diri ye!

P/S: Ajer Qila, Cha....tolong aku, aku takut memori dulu datang balik, aku tak nak ingat dah pasal tu... ++

is this the feeling?

--------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------

~~LOL~~

just something!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim…

The talkative me shows her side again today, thus I couldn’t stop talking (within myself actually) since this evening. I talk to myself about almost everything that came across my mind.

Alhamdulillah mama is recovering from her newly-passed-operation. She has to follow a very strict diet; she cannot do any heavy works/house chores, the only thing that she can do is rest! The kind-hearted-doctor (I don’t have the chance to meet him! oh, please alin! no mengada-ngada ok?) has given her 1 moth MC and after 1 week, she already complained that she’s boring with this type of life…^^

Since our grand chef (mama) is sick, so I am the person-in-charge for cooking and house cleaning. Though I’m not really a good chef but after a week, I can proudly say that I’m not that bad in cooking, just need some practice and some confidence. At least the most famous food critic, my beloved abah, has approved my ‘kari’ and my ‘asam pedas’, ok? Plus, both of the food critic and the grand chef approved my simple ‘ikan haruan masak stim’ that I cook for her. Hehe, just wanna brag a little bit since I know that I’m not really good in cooking ‘lauk-pauk’ back then!

I’ve been calling my dear friend in Egypt (as I thought she’s still there) for several times after having a short chat with another my dear friend in India last few days. But nobody pick up the phone. I’m quite disappointed as maybe I’m too eager to know the latest news about her since the chaos broke in Egypt.

Suddenly I got a call from an unknown number last night and it was her! Ah, I’m so relief and very glad to hear her voice. I’m too happy that she was here in Malaysia since 4^th Feb and I felt like crying on the phone for that. Unluckily we couldn’t talk much as I have something to attend but it’s good to know she’s safe!

To my dear friend in India, good luck for your exam! Aja, aja fighting!!! Don’t forget to give me your number phone there, maybe I’ll call you if I have enough credits!

Since evening I’ve been reading and ‘godek-godek’ a lot of blogs. There were some that catch my attention and I’ll state 2 for you.

1 . masafzal.blogspot.com.

Actually, I’ve been following this blog since December last year. I found this blog through an entry in saifulislam.com, expressing condolence to the family of the owner of the blog. I would like to suggest to you, especially doctors-to-be, to read this life journal of Mas Afzal. You’ll find something good in return as well as increasing your knowledge in medical-related-field since he was a medical student. Please, read this touching blog and take whatever you think as precious lessons for you.

2 . (I’ve forgotten the address and I’m too lazy to open the history file)

This 2^nd blog is about a girl. An average-Asian-girl who is not a hot babe - I’m sorry for being rude but she’s really not physically an attractive woman (she admits it by herself) – with low self-esteem during school years. But now, she has a very handsome-caring-kind-hearted-and-romantic-American boyfriend! They have been in this long-distance-relationship for 8 years.

Put everything aside as I’m not in a position to agree with the ‘coupling culture’, but I wanted to stress on 1 thing here - there are always someone that can accept you the way you are, there are always somebody that can accept the good and bad sides of yours; no matter who you are, no matter how you look!

This makes me think of myself, suddenly. Sure, I’m not a hot and gorgeous woman but I could say that I’m very grateful to be like this, to be me myself. I believe that everybody has their own charms which only certain people would realize it. But, do I really have charm/s? Dunno, you answer me~

atas nama syahadah!

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim...salam satu aqidah!

Sekadar luahan rasa akal yg sedang berkerja keras menganalisis perkara yg berlaku disekeliling, di dalam kampus, di dalam masyarakat...di dalam negara...mungkin!

1.   Bila difikirkan kembali, ape yg telah saya, awak, dan setiap sorang daripada kita telah dan akan buat atas nama Islam dan aqidah yg sama yg benar2 bertepatan dgn syariat Islam yg agung? Saya? Saya akui tak banyak yg telah saya berjaya sumbangkan, lebih banyak utk kepentingan diri sendiri sahaja tapi masih waras utk berfikir baik buruk kesan perbuatan saya kpd orang disekeliling. Insya-Allah, sedaya upaya saya takkan buat sesuatu yg memberi kesan negatif kpd org lain biarpun terpaksa korbankan keinginan atau kepentingan diri sendiri.

2.   Bila difikirkan semula, perlu ke seorang mukmin yg berusaha menegakkan amar ma’ruf mengganggap seorang mukmin yg lain, yg juga cuba melakukan amar ma’ruf, sebagai satu ancaman? Ancaman? Ancaman dari segi ape? Pening saya memikirkannya, tak masuk dek akal saya ape maknanya...kenapa perlu bermusuh sesama sendiri jika benar2 ingin menegakkan amar ma’ruf?

3.   Sepatutnya kita harus bersyukur sebab masih ada pihak lain yg sama2 ingin berjuang meninggikan syiar Islam, mungkin mereka mampu melakukan sesuatu yg tak mampu kita lakukan. Mungkin kita tak bekerjasama secara langsung tapi sekurang-kurangnya kita perlu saling melengkapi dan saling menguatkan dalam menempuh mehnah jalan dakwah. Jangan hanya kerana pendekatan mereka berlainan daripada cara kita, maka kita membenci dan memusuhi mereka. Kita patut berterima kasih pada mereka. Berterima kasihlah kpd mereka selagi mana mereka tidak melanggar batas2 Islam!

4.   Bila difikirkan dgn teliti, ada tak perbuatan kita yg lepas2 menjadi fitnah kpd Islam? Muhasabah kembali, ada tak antara tindakan2 yg bakal kita lakukan dimasa depan akan menimbulkan fitnah kpd Islam? Ada atau tidak? Tepuk dada tanya iman! Apa pandangan org awam, jika ahli2 agama yg dikatakan memperjuangkan Islam, dilihat saling menyalahkan? Apa pendapat org bukan Islam, jika org yg mengaku Islam dan bersaksikan syahadatain, dilihat bergaduh sesama sendiri? Jika ini berlaku, bagaimana mungkin kita terangkan kepada insan yg dalam musafir mencari jalan pulang bahawa Islam itu indah, mendamaikan dan mampu menjadi penawar kpd segala kelukaan?

5.   Islam menggalakkan kita supaya sentiasa bersangka baik sesama muslim. Betul, memang susah utk sentiasa bersangka baik pada org lain kerana takde manusia biasa yg sempurna dan juga kerana tak semua orang benar2 mempunyai niat yg baik pada setiap perbuatannye yg baik. Mungkin kita akan kelesuan berhadapan dgn situasi seperti ini, tapi tak salahkan mencuba? Tak salahkan berusaha agar bersangka baik setiap masa? Mungkin kita akan gagal pada percubaan yg pertama tapi tak bererti kita akan terus gagal dalam percubaan2 yg seterusnya. Yakinlah, dgn cara ini hati kita akan lebih bersedia menghadapi segala macam karenah umat akhir zaman.

6.   Sedar atau tidak, masyarakat kini sering disogokkan dgn slogan ‘tak semua org agama itu baik dan tak semua org awam itu jahat’. Itulah realiti yg saya fikir tak mungkin dapat dinafikan, tapi wajarkah kita biarkan sahaja ia berlarutan tanpa disusuli dgn tindakan? Adakah kita mahu biarkan nila setitik merosakkan susu sebelanga? Adakah kita mahu mengiakan slogan itu atau kita mahu mengubah persepsi itu? Moga tindakan kita seiring dgn bicara kita juga selari dgn kehendak-Nya!

Ya Allah, ya Rabb, ya Rahman, ya Rahim...ku mohon, satukanlah hati2 kami atas jalan menuju rahmat dan redha-Mu...

21 tahun 1 hari

Assalamualaikum…

Sekian lama bicara tak terluah, baru sekarang ada sikit feel nak menulis. Maaf la kalau cara penulisan yg agak kelam kabut & berubah-ubah dari satu ayat ke satu ayat, ni sume bahana perasaan yg bercampur baur~

1.        1.   Terima kasih utk semua yg wish my birthday, terima kasih sebab ingat pada saya…even tak ramai mane pun, saya tetap hargai sume wishes yg diterima tak kesah la cepat ke lambat ke…saranghae~

2.     2.  Result pekse last semester yg unofficial dah kuar, my pointer turun dengan banyaknya, but at least much better than my early targeted pointer. Pointer turun pun memang atas salah sendiri, so redha jela, nak buat camne lagi kan? But the most important thing is, I didn’t fail any of my papers. Alhamdulillah! Ape pun, semester ni kena la hard working lebih sikit utk baiki pointer~

3.        3.    To angah, congrate for your result! Let’s try harder for this semester ok?

4.      4.   To both my little sisters whose going to face PMR & SPM this year, study elok2, molek2, sungguh2 & fighting! Do try real hard to achieve flying colours results!

5.      5.   To my beloved kocheng, mr. boboy…bile nak balik umah? Kalu kene culik, cube la cari jalan n peluang utk larikan diri…abah, mama, kakak, angah, hani, ina n mr. baby boy sangat2 rindu sama kamu! And for your info boboy, baby ade bawak balik adek baru, miss baby girl @ gegurl @ lolly yg sangat manje, cumil & kiut! Balik la ye? Nanti buleh jumpe adek baru!

6.     6.    Even though I don’t know each other n we never meet before, but I want to apologize to mr. 1^st n mr. 2^nd for turning both of you down…I’m not ready for such thing, or should I say I’m afraid to face this another new phase of life?

7.     7.   This year is my last year of SBE (school based experience)…and for this 3^rd semester, insya-Allah, I’ll be going to Langkawi as planned since last year. I’m sorry for cannot making it to the East of Malaysia my friends...because my parents wanted me to do the last SBE during the 4^th semester in my hometown :’(

8.     8.   To both beloved R. Khairunnisa Aqilah n Natasha Syakidah, study hard n be a good doctor-to-be…may Allah bless both of you n may this ukhwah last forever! Insya-Allah, my prayer will always be with you!

9.     9.   To the rest of Evokians, study hard n do please lead a blissful life! Though we didn’t really keep in touch, we are still friends! Once you are a friend of mine, forever you’ll be my friend, insya-Allah…

1      10.   To my elementary schoolmates, it’s nice to keep in touch back after 8 years…and I’m sorry because I didn’t remember much about all of you…

1         11.   To my dear ex-roomate, current roommate n the rest of ahlul bait of Raudhatul Ibtisam a.k.a PISMP 3.02, may our ukhwah last forever! May this 5 and ½ years will become the most precious moments for all of us!

12     12.   To all my teachers since my childhood up until now, I’m really thankful for every single thing that you have taught me…I am grateful for who I am now, may Allah bless you all!!!

13   13.  To those who had hurt my family so much before, please don’t do that anymore…every people have their own limit of patience…and we’re reaching that very limit, only a thin-sheet-of-paper-thick left…don’t all of you realize that when you’re facing any problems, you come to us innocently n asking for our help? Yet you treat us this bad? Yet you bad-mouth us? I really don’t understand, don’t you feel ashamed? Hmmm…

14  14.   I’ve discovered a new thing about me…I am cynophobia, to be exact, I am fear of dogs or rabies, huhu…I’m afraid to be near to any dogs especially the big ones as I think they’re going to bite me in an instant!

15     15.   Last but not least, I think now I should try to forget about ‘dia’…maybe this is the best time since I realize that life isn’t a fairytale which will always end with happy ending…maybe I was confused with my own feelings back then and maybe I put too much of high hopes because of your sweet little talk…and now I think, it is much better if we just stay as friend just like everybody else, isn’t it? I must give a try, though it’s a real hard for me to erase those memories, though everything in the surrounding reminds me of ‘dia’…I have to be as busy as I can to keep me away from remembering ‘dia’…you deserve a much better and suitable person as well as me deserving a much better and suitable person…and I’ll make sure that my love is pure only for Allah, Rasulullah SAW, my family, my halal-other-half, my friends and the Ummah only, insya-Allah! Please do pray for me!